Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
