One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
