At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
