he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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