thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
