Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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