We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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