Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
