I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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