I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My dick has a subreddit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
