oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
