i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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