My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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