You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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