ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
