Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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