Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
