I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
