Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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