if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
