I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
