If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
