I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize