Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
