there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
