Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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