my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
