he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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