Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
