im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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