I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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