After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
