I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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