i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The air taste purple.
Randomize