A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
