Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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