Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
