you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
