the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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