the day after is always just damage control
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
