i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
