Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
