Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
