Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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