So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
