She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
