Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
