It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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