Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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