there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
