I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
