She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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