I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
