I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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