Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
