Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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