My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
