I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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