You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
