What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
