I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize