i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
