Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Everclear isn't food dammit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
