It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
